Kyriarchy & Privilege 101

anonymous asked:

Okay, I have a question and I thought this might be the best place to ask.

And just in case, *trigger warning for racism*

I’m not actually white, not entirely, but I guess you could say I “pass” as white, since most people tend to assume based on skin-color and don’t really bother to find out. I can acknowledge, however, that because I appear white, I do have white privilege.

Anyway, my question is - how does someone who IS white, or racially privileged, react when a PoC directs race-based insults at them?

I don’t like saying, “I’m not actually white,” because I feel like that shouldn’t matter. Race-based insults shouldn’t be okay no matter what, right?

I’m just not sure how to react to them, because insulting a white person for being white is nowhere near the same as insulting a PoC for being a PoC.

So…. how does one react to something like that?

Dan/Moononwaters: When I have racially based insults thrown at me, I do tend to clear things up by saying I am biracial, and tell them I have light skin privilege. In my experience, many times this diffuses the situation and we actually discuss the ways I pass etc, and familiar ground tends to be met. I often tell them, if you really want to hurt me, call me a redskin or some shit, not paleface.

As for race-based insults directed towards white people, I won’t comment on that because I know there would be a slew of people shaking their fists at me for my opinion.

(originally asked to Privilege Denying People)

I have a question... Some of my friends and I started using the word "spaz" among ourselves a few summers ago... It pretty much meant "laughing uncontrollably." I'm going back to camp in a few weeks, and I don't know much about the word or its usage, so I was just wondering if this is offensive in any way? Anonymous

fracturedrefuge: Yes, this word is ableist. If you have a moment, here is an article that explains the word and its roots and why it is ableist. Here is a small excerpt:

Both “spaz” and “spak” have clear ableist roots because they’re shortened versions of an actual diagnostic term. They shouldn’t be used to refer to “spasticity” at all (unless, of course, as self identification by someone with spasticity) and they’re definitely not appropriate as slang terms to refer to people without spasticity. The implication here is that spasticity makes someone worthless, inept, awkward, laughable, useless, etc., and “spaz/spak” have become umbrella terms to refer to a wide range of human behaviour.

Hope this helps!

Trigger warning: Erasing non-binary pronouns/genders.

http://community.sparknotes.com/2011/06/09/the-pronoun-weve-been-living-without

That article was quite bothersome to me. Thoughts? Anonymous

clickable link: http://community.sparknotes.com/2011/06/09/the-pronoun-weve-been-living-without

nimself: It’s actually a question in the non-binary community as well, because some non-binary people find using our pronouns as a “gender not specified” to be erasing of our genders.

Generally people feel singular they is the best option. (and it’s incredibly bigoted, although unintentionally, of that person to say that singular they isn’t acceptable) We may need to make up a pronoun specifically to be “gender unspecified”, but it’d be hard to get agreement on what the pronoun should be and all sorts of details.

However, I agree at the bothersomeness because s/he, him/her isn’t just annoying to see/read, it’s erasive of everyone who doesn’t use those pronouns. It referenced a person using “him/her” to mean any child that person has, making it clear that the person doesn’t find the possibility of their child being anything other than a man or a woman to even be a possibility.

Trigger warning for use of the T word, anti-gay F word, ableist R word.

Specifically, why is it that FAAB trans people can't/shouldn't reclaim the T word? I as a FAAB trans person have no desire to reclaim it, but it has been used against me. My point isn't even that people who've had the T word used against them should be able to reclaim it, as I'll expound on later. It's just -

My lesbian mother uses the word 'faggot.' When I asked her why, she said it was to be volatile - to push queer sexuality right into people's faces, that she realizes that there is nothing so societally transgressive as a feminine man and she uses that slur to draw on its transgressive nature. It bothers the hell out of me when the T word is used by anyone without respect for its equal, even greater volatility.

When people, especially people my age, and especially FAAB trans people joke about being a tranny or a faggot, I get some serious rage going on; that's why I don't want to use those words for myself, because I as a young person and a person read as female have never ever experienced the kind of prejudice and hate that goes along with those words.

Nonetheless, I believe strongly that volatile words can be weapons. I have autism, and I've used the R-word when people are pushing me to do things that will soon cause me to melt down, and I've tried more polite ways to get them to stop which have all failed. When I say something like "I can't do that, I'm autistic, I'm retarded," they often back off.

Anyway, I'm sorry this got so long (I could have gone on, hah,) but, um, thanks for reading. I really do want answers. If everyone believes that something is offensive but me, I can assume that they're all wrong or that I am, and the second one makes more sense. colloquialfeeling-deactivated20

[Trigger Warning: This also uses heterosexist slurs and both cis and trans misogynistic slurs.]

nimself: “Bitch” has been used against cis men. Would you say that makes it their word to reclaim?

Tr**ny has been primarily used against trans women and CAMAB trans people in general. While CAFAB trans people have had it thrown at them, there is serious disparity between how much tr**ny has been used against trans women and how much it’s been used against CAFAB trans people.

Tr**ny is a word loaded with trans misogyny, and while CAFAB trans people can face that, they are NOT the main target of it. A trans man “reclaiming” tr**ny because he’s been called it is somewhat similar to a cis man “reclaiming” b**ch because he’s been called it.

Now- for non-straight trans men who call themselves faggots, I don’t get your rage. Non-straight men are the target of the word f**got. Non-straight men, both cis and trans, are allowed to reclaim a word that has been used to attack their sexuality. It’s cissexism to say that non-straight trans men aren’t “really” the target of f**got as a slur. All non-straight men are. Straight trans men- I can understand that.

Now- you’re right that volatile words can be used to get people to back off, and sometimes if you’re backed into a corner you have to even if you shouldn’t. But it’s still busted to use volatile words that aren’t aimed at you. If a man could get people to stop pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do/can’t do by calling himself a b**ch, it’s still messed up for a man to use that word because he can’t reclaim it.

I've been reading this blog for a while now, and I'm confused. I don't really understand what points you're ultimately trying to make. That I should show consideration for other human beings? That I should censor my language for fear of 'triggering' someone? That I shouldn't make racist jokes? I'm a bit lost.. Anonymous

nimself: It’s not censoring your language. If you’re going to talk about something that may be triggering (ex. your experiences with sexual abuse, which a person should talk about) around people who may be triggered by that- it’s fair to give them a warning. Triggering isn’t just a mild upset, it can cause panic attacks, huge emotional and physical responses that can last all day or longer. Trigger warnings aren’t censoring, they’re giving people fair warning that you’re talking about something that may trigger that kind of response so that they know to avoid it or mentally prepare themselves for it.

Beyond that- yes. You should show consideration for other human beings. You shouldn’t make bigoted jokes, because these add to the idea that oppression is okay and acceptable. If you know that what you’re talking about may trigger someone, it’s respectful to give people a warning.

Hi, on the topic of swears: would using alternatives (eg dang, darn, etc) or completely making up ones be safe and not-triggering, or am I missing the point? Sorry, I am just trying to understand! Anonymous

fracturedrefuge: (TW: Mention of ableist slur) Since I am not triggered by swear words, I cannot fully answer this question. However, substituting non-offensive or non-triggering words for offensive or triggering ones (for example, using “absurd” or “ridiculous” instead of “crazy” or “stupid”) is usually considered acceptable. Anyone who is triggered by swear words want to weigh in?

Just a suggestion for the trigger warnings list -- human skulls/skeletons. I've always had an extreme phobia of these and have spent years wishing the Internet would tell me when pictures of these would occur. hisstericalhysterectomy

fracturedrefuge: Added! Thanks so much!

In regards to trypophobia, I understand it a little in that I feel excited when I see clusters of holes or such things. It's almost like seeing something disgusting/horrifying and you have to look. In a perverse way, I rather enjoy looking at lotus seed pods and lamprey eels. The only light I can shed on it, I'm afraid, is that that's just how I feel when I look at things like that. There is nothing else. captainjerkway

I'm sorry for that part, I sounded one hundred percent ignorant,
what I meant by that statement was why shouldn't we google it? Anonymous

fracturedrefuge: The line that cautioned people not to Google it was from another page that I copied a partial list of triggers from. If you feel safe enough, you can by all means Google away! Just be aware that some people do find it triggering.

If my last list of triggers was too long, I'm really sorry ;-; You did you a fantastic job of thinking them up!

[possible suicide trigger] Does it count as a trigger if, whenever I get yelled at, I get extremely suicidal? Anonymous

fracturedrefuge: Don’t apologize! We absolutely welcome your input! :-) And yelling can certainly be a trigger for people. (Hostility of any kind is a trigger for me, personally.)