Trigger warning for use of the T word, anti-gay F word, ableist R word.

Specifically, why is it that FAAB trans people can't/shouldn't reclaim the T word? I as a FAAB trans person have no desire to reclaim it, but it has been used against me. My point isn't even that people who've had the T word used against them should be able to reclaim it, as I'll expound on later. It's just -

My lesbian mother uses the word 'faggot.' When I asked her why, she said it was to be volatile - to push queer sexuality right into people's faces, that she realizes that there is nothing so societally transgressive as a feminine man and she uses that slur to draw on its transgressive nature. It bothers the hell out of me when the T word is used by anyone without respect for its equal, even greater volatility.

When people, especially people my age, and especially FAAB trans people joke about being a tranny or a faggot, I get some serious rage going on; that's why I don't want to use those words for myself, because I as a young person and a person read as female have never ever experienced the kind of prejudice and hate that goes along with those words.

Nonetheless, I believe strongly that volatile words can be weapons. I have autism, and I've used the R-word when people are pushing me to do things that will soon cause me to melt down, and I've tried more polite ways to get them to stop which have all failed. When I say something like "I can't do that, I'm autistic, I'm retarded," they often back off.

Anyway, I'm sorry this got so long (I could have gone on, hah,) but, um, thanks for reading. I really do want answers. If everyone believes that something is offensive but me, I can assume that they're all wrong or that I am, and the second one makes more sense. colloquialfeeling-deactivated20

[Trigger Warning: This also uses heterosexist slurs and both cis and trans misogynistic slurs.]

nimself: “Bitch” has been used against cis men. Would you say that makes it their word to reclaim?

Tr**ny has been primarily used against trans women and CAMAB trans people in general. While CAFAB trans people have had it thrown at them, there is serious disparity between how much tr**ny has been used against trans women and how much it’s been used against CAFAB trans people

Tr**ny is a word loaded with trans misogyny, and while CAFAB trans people can face that, they are NOT the main target of it. A trans man “reclaiming” tr**ny because he’s been called it is somewhat similar to a cis man “reclaiming” b**ch because he’s been called it.

Now- for non-straight trans men who call themselves faggots, I don’t get your rage. Non-straight men are the target of the word f**got. Non-straight men, both cis and trans, are allowed to reclaim a word that has been used to attack their sexuality. It’s cissexism to say that non-straight trans men aren’t “really” the target of f**got as a slur. All non-straight men are. Straight trans men- I can understand that.

Now- you’re right that volatile words can be used to get people to back off, and sometimes if you’re backed into a corner you have to even if you shouldn’t. But it’s still busted to use volatile words that aren’t aimed at you. If a man could get people to stop pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do/can’t do by calling himself a b**ch, it’s still messed up for a man to use that word because he can’t reclaim it.


Asexuality = Not experiencing sexual attraction
Demisexuality: Not experiencing primary sexual attraction, only when a strong emotional bond is formed
Grey-A: Identifying in the grey area of sexuality, between asexuality and sexuality

Asexuality ≠ Celibacy
Love ≠ Sex
Marriage ≠ Sex
Sexual attraction ≠ Sexual behaviour
Sexual orientation ≠ Romantic orientation
Asexuality ≠ Slut-shaming
Demisexuality ≠ Slut-shaming
Sexual ≠ Slut
Having sex ≠ Slut
Not having sex ≠ Prude

As a cissexual genderqueer pansexual, I am curious as to how a cis heterosexual would justify queerdom. I know Clementine Cannibal tried saying femme=genderqueer (which made no sense to me), and I know someone else (or it could have been Clementine) tried saying BDSM is queer, but most lovers of BDSM are hetero-cis, so... yourweaponisguilt

nimself: Someone please tell me if I’m wrong, I believe that some cis het people tried to say that kink is queer because of the discrimination they face for their kink(s), but that erases the intersection that non-het/non-cis kinksters face for both their sexuality and/or trans status and their kink(s).

I think that there is an argument that straight cis crossdressers are or can be part of the queer community because they’re preference is considered abnormal and they face discrimination- but, again, this ignores the intersection that gay/bi/non-straight cis crossdressers face.

Oh, I’ve also seen cis straight men who prefer to take traditionally “female” roles in a relationship and want a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman where she takes traditionally “male” roles in the relationship call themselves “male lesbians”, and I imagine they could argue that this makes them queer.

Now, while I know ‘queer’ is in ‘genderqueer’- it’s not the same thing as queer. It’s a word specifically for people whose gender doesn’t fit the gender binary (in part or whole). Queer is generally, from what I can tell, considered an umbrella term. Genderqueer is not. Although you’ve already seen how cis people can “justify” appropriating genderqueers’ identities.

I'm straight and cisgender so I have no authority here: but I thought queer could relate to sexuality or gender? Is queer solely used to refer to gender identity? giantpenis-deactivated20111104-

nimself: It can relate to sexuality or gender.

Genderqueer, however, is not the same thing even though it has ‘queer’ int eh word and can only be used as an identity by a person whose gender/s/lessness- part or all- does not fit the gender binary, regardless of their sexuality.

You accidentally defined sexual as "a person who does experience romantic attraction" in your recent post. Just thought you'd want to know to clear up any confusion. perfectcoma
is it appropriative for a straight cis (cissexual + cisgender) crossdresser to call themself queer? Anonymous

fracturedrefuge/Grace: Yes.

And thus ends the shortest answer I will ever give.

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